true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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