just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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