Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
