Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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