and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
