herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
