Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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