Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
