I think my vagina is haunted
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize