wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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