I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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