Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
