Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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