so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
