before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
