well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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