Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
