its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize