It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
operation have a gay friend backfired
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
