fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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