The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
