I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
