omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
