I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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