things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
