I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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