Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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