genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
