I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
