i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
