she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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