Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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