I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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