the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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