somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
