I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He passed out mid-signature
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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