She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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