is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
