Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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