Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
