You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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