Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
