I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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