I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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