why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Bring me that man meat
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
