Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
