You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
