3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
