:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
