I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
