Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize