not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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