What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
