Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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