Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She bit a glass in half.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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