Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
