I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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