I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize