Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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