I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Dicks are not precious.
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