Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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