i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
