Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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