Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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