Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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