There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
