If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
