I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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