I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
