Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
