Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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