Your mouth is God's brothel.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
