i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The power of my boobs compel you
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
