we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Damn victory sex feels great
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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