well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Randomize