Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
