i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
