why didn't you poke me back
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
