I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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