She said her name was "party"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
