Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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