Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
