my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
nutella sex= disaster
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
