If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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