hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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