Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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