farters have to be the big spoon...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
