Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
