Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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