My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
