Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
