Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize