I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
