Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
