the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
