I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
