The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
