we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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