jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
