i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
