His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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