So drunk its hurt
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
