I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
