I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
