the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
