my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize