I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
