Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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