you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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