Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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