i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
