I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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