meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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