These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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